Saturday, September 19, 2009

TORN

OK so i have been a mess the past couple of weeks. i am 40 days with out a period. i have not taken a test because i am scared it will say "not pregnant" and i don't want to hear that. i have been tired, have to go to the bathroom alot more, my chest is sensitive, and i have gained some weight. the thing that is throwing me off is i have been having cramps for about three weeks. so last night i could not fall asleep because i kept thinking about a baby, and when i did fall asleep i dreamed i got twin boys. not that i gave birth to them but that we adopted them. so i woke up this morning all excited then i realized it was a dream. i am a mess. i want a baby more than anything but know my chances of ever having one of my own are small. i don't know why i am writing about this, i usually don't tell people my personal problems. i don't know what else to say. i am sad and i think Brent is too but we have both decided that if we are not pregnant with in a year we will adopt so i know someday i WILL have a baby and i will love it more than ANYTHING in this world and i know Brent will be the BEST dad ever. this is what keeps me going.

12 comments:

  1. I'm so sorry Miranda. This has got to be so difficult. The only way to get through such hard times is to remember the Lord won't give us anything we can't handle. Stay strong and know when the time is right you will have a beautiful little family of your own!

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  2. I'm sorry Miranda.

    If you haven't taken a test yet, I think you should. In early pregnancy you have period like cramps, its the egg implanting itself. So if thats all that is keeping you from testing, I think you should test.

    Also, my family does foster care, there are so many babies out there who need good loving families.
    Good luck with everything!

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  3. We are praying for you.

    Papo and Tutu

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  4. hey darling friend,
    i know how it could be get your hopes up and find out you are not. i don't know what kind of problems you have had, but i do know that your symptoms are signs of pregnancy. the cramping thing happens alot the first two months. i wish i had some wise words for you right now, all i know is that the Lord will never forsake you. He knows of your wants for a baby, He knows what a great mom you WILL be, He knows if you are pregnant and if you're not. His timing is always perfect, and His timing is not based on what doctors tell you. I want to say, if it does come up negative it will be okay, maybe not today but it will. You will be an amazing mother, you are so patient, kind hearted and sweet. But I think you should take one, because if you are {and the doctors have told you your chances of pregnancy is slim} then you need to get checked out asap. If it is not the results you want, just know that it doesn't mean your chances are gone forever, you WILL be a Mommy and Brent a Daddy...and it is all under control and in the timetable of our Heavenly Father. Love ya. Remember---"Come what may, and LOVE it." xoxo

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  5. Miranda, I am so sorry! I don't know what to tell you (obviuously) but I believe it will happen on the lord's time! If he thinks your not ready just yet, he knows whats in your best interest. I know this is not what u wanna hear at all. But for the love please take a test!! Love ya

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  6. So I might've been right yesterday??
    Dude I'm praying for you too!!!
    Ooo if you adopt, you should get black kids!!
    How cute!!!!!!!

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  7. If you lived closer, I would drive my extra pregnancy test over to your house right now. If it weren't so late, I might do it anyway. Either way, my prayers and heart are with you.

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  8. Hey girl, i know the feeling how you dont want to see a neg sign, its so much easier to just assume that you are pregnant & then your not let down...again. when your trying to get pregnant when anything changes with your body the 1st thing you think is 'im pregnant'...its horrible cause it can drive you crazy...believe me. i am not going to be one to tell you 'you will get pregnant' cause i dont know that, only heavenly father knows. i thoughts and prayers are with you. im so sorry, cause i know the feeling, the one thing that heavenly father put us women here on the earth to do (be a mother) isnt happening and hurts cause we cant do ANYTHING about it. it sucks.

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  9. all i can say is modern medicine! there are lots of options so dont give up sweety!! it will happen! go to the doctor!!

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  10. Miranda, I had no idea you were struggling this much. You are very much like Alicia in the sense that you do not like to get attention for your problems. I am so glad you did share, however, because now we can pray for you and Brent! I want to know the SECOND you find out!!! Love you!!

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  11. That's so hard. We hope you guys get some little munchkins soon!

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  12. Godd luck sister!! I'll cross my fingers and keep you in my prayers!!

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