Saturday, September 19, 2009
OK so i have been a mess the past couple of weeks. i am 40 days with out a period. i have not taken a test because i am scared it will say "not pregnant" and i don't want to hear that. i have been tired, have to go to the bathroom alot more, my chest is sensitive, and i have gained some weight. the thing that is throwing me off is i have been having cramps for about three weeks. so last night i could not fall asleep because i kept thinking about a baby, and when i did fall asleep i dreamed i got twin boys. not that i gave birth to them but that we adopted them. so i woke up this morning all excited then i realized it was a dream. i am a mess. i want a baby more than anything but know my chances of ever having one of my own are small. i don't know why i am writing about this, i usually don't tell people my personal problems. i don't know what else to say. i am sad and i think Brent is too but we have both decided that if we are not pregnant with in a year we will adopt so i know someday i WILL have a baby and i will love it more than ANYTHING in this world and i know Brent will be the BEST dad ever. this is what keeps me going.